These things reciprocate

Archive for 2010|Yearly archive page

New Neighbours

In Experience, Level 4 Badness on March 20, 2010 at 5:00 pm

As somebody who works during the night and therefore sleeps during the day I am no stranger to interrupted sleep.  Occasionally I’ve been woken by jackhammers from street repairs, noisy roommates and phone calls all of which weren’t that bad really because they went away after awhile.

However the ongoing problem is neighbours doing renovations on their houses, mowing the lawn, working on their cars or sitting outside while talking and playing with their noisy dog.  There’s not much I can do about them, since you can’t choose your neighbours and I can’t exactly ask them to do their work during the night.  I got new neighbours though, and after a couple of months I came to like them, because they hadn’t done any of the previously mentioned crap that other neighbours had. Finally I was sleeping well and loving it.

For some unknown reason my brother asked me how I liked my new neighbours, and I told him that “they are actually pretty good”.  This I now realize was a huge understatement and because I took them for granted, it seems that they have decided to punish me by getting a drum set.  So instead of hearing muffled voices of people and dogs or the occasional echo of hammers hitting nails, I now hear hours of repetitive unfinished drum loops as they practice every evening.

On the plus side I didn’t let it affect me too much since I cleverly set up my old bunk bed mattresses in my junk room and have been able to sleep undisturbed for now.  Still, I am hoping that the drums are just a fad and I can go back to sleeping in my bedroom closet soon.

Road of No Return

In Level 1 Badness, Movie on January 18, 2010 at 3:50 am

Road of No Return‘s DVD cover stars gravel-voiced Michael Madsen and martial arts master David Carradine, in this quirky DVD cover about two chain-smoking hitmen who enjoy pointing guns and looking cool… on DVD covers.  As far as DVD covers go, it’s pretty good!  Of course the actual movie doesn’t follow these two, and is painfully, painfully bad.

We rented this movie partially in the hopes of seeing a hilarious ripoff of a Tarantino flick, since the back of the box proudly listed Kill Bill and Resevoir Dogs; the kind of failure that might suck as much as Last Hour, which also starred these two fine gentlemen.  What we did not expect was a story about little girls and racial stereotypes…

"Hey Molly, what's a bait-and-switch?" "Well, it all starts like this..."

Yes, this movie is in the same vein as Brothers in Arms, being a boring, politically correct, hidden agenda about racism and feelings.  Reviewing it on its own terms would not only be dull, but it would be doing injustice to the grand vision of its writer-director-producer Parviz Saghizadeh, so instead we’ll look at it for what it really is: a concealed predator, waiting to pounce on unsuspecting victims. Victims like us.

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2010′s First Comically Bad Moment

In Experience, Level 2 Badness on January 1, 2010 at 11:19 am

As the clock drew nearer to midnight on the last day of 2009, I was struggling to decide what kind of food I should order from the local Pizza Hotline restaurant.  After some deliberation I decided to go with a “Mix and Match” deal wherein I would choose one baked sandwich, and two pizzas, with a free side of cinnimon sticks. But fate had other plans for me.

The year of 2009 ended with yours truly speaking on the phone with a sad sounding operator about the type of oven baked sandwich I wanted to order.  Things were looking bright, until he informed me that they did not have the variety I desired — out of stock.  “Alright, I’ll have the next best,” I thought to myself optimistically.  Nope, out of stock there, too.  “Oh well, I should try something new,” I mused, picking a third variety.  Again, denied.

“What the hell is going on here?” I ponder.  The fourth choice?  Impossible.  The fifth?  No-can-do.  I haven’t faced this much rejection since I tried speed dating, and I’m losing my cool.  The last option is a “Veggie” sandwich, and you know I’m too much of a man for that sh*t.  Instead, I figure I’ll just “Mix and Match” three of those little pizzas instead.

“Sorry, we can’t do that,” says the voice, unmoved.

Laughing, I tell him I have to call back, and hang up the phone.  I understand that it’s New Years morning and everything else is closed; I understand that they’re bound to run out of some things; but what I don’t understand is why this unfortunate shmuck doesn’t have the courtesy or the ability to give me three pizzas, when one of the 3 options is completely unavailable.  Time to revise the plan, obviously.

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