Last Hour: The Hostage

Every now and then we come across something so comically bad that it not only causes us to laugh, but consumes our days, filling us with obsession. Here we take a closer look at one aspect of the previously reviewed movie Last Hour, in which a gang of six world-renowned criminals are tricked into wasting a bunch of time in a poorly designed mansion together. More specifically, we look at the hostage situation that unfolds about half way through the movie.

Last Hour has a lot of stupid things about it, and the hostage situation is one of them.  It happens like this: the head of the Hong Kong C.I.D., Agent Ron Stanax, finds out about Detective Stone’s sting operation and takes command of the situation, but quickly gets tired of waiting and has his men storm the building. One of them is captured by the criminals, and thus becomes a hostage.

The first thing to notice is that when he sends the men, most of them just run across the moat bridge, but there are two special guys who snorkel across the water with big bags in tow. They undress and put dry clothes on, and rejoin the others.  Question: why couldn’t they just run across like everyone else? Especially with the heavy cargo they were carrying, wouldn’t that make more sense? Everybody, including the criminals, approach from different angles without needing to go across the water, so why do these few agents bother to go through that unnecessary trouble?

Also, if they use snorkels, that tells us they weren’t supposed to be seen, right? But again I ask “why”? At this point the criminals are busy “finding candles, lighting ‘em up, and putting ‘em all over the house,” so there’s no particular danger of being seen. The others weren’t trying to be stealthy, and there’s certainly nothing too stealthy about this:

Two C.I.D. agents snorkel across the moat instead of just crossing the bridge like the others.

So what was the point? Presumably they are carrying their gear and dry clothes, so what the hell are these guys thinking? Or for that matter, what was writer/director/producer/actor  “Kobe” thinking?

Next, the agents scale the building and approach the door on the roof. It’s referred to as an impenetrable “bunker” in both the movie and the back of the box, but I guess having an easily-accessible, flimsy door on the roof is part of keeping it up to code?  The big fragile glass dome that the agents later break into also seems to betray the “bunker” claim, but hey, you gotta stay stylish! Anyway, things go sour instantly when this guy gets shot in the leg and is taken hostage:

Hong Kong C.I.D. agent shortly after being shot in the leg.

This guy was chosen to lead the assault on the mansion-bunker, so it’s a bit surprising he got taken down so fast. Don’t they prepare for these scenarios? Then again, who could have predicted that the armed-and-dangerous gang of criminals would try to shoot them? Thankfully Mr. Hostage is a master of pain control, and shows no sign of pain or weakness in front of his captors, not even limping or wincing once afterward. You may think this is just poor writing, directing and acting, but remember that these guys are true moat-swimming Hong Kong professionals.

The gang takes their hostage and go back down the stairs, to the hallway.  Here he is at the mercy of the criminals, who decide to use his own handcuffs to attach him to the doorknob of a room and force him to sit down.  Black Jack then holds a gun to his head and tells him to “put it — in — your mouth,” referring to a handkerchief or something.  Although Black Jack wants to kill him, the rest of the gang instead decide to go look at a cane in the bedroom down the hall.

This is when the mysterious “ghost” takes the opportunity to kill the hostage… or at least that’s what we have to assume.  All we really see is the agent squirming, and then a shadow passes over him and he’s dead.  So what actually killed him?  I’m guessing the “ghost” used the snake (later revealed to be his pet) to inject poison into him, but later we see it attack, and it just bites a chunk out of a guy to kill him. So who knows what killed him.

I would like to point out a few things about this guy’s situation. Think about the fact that he only has one hand chained to the door knob.  This leaves him free to 1) pull out the handkerchief and yell for help,  2) stand up and enter the room through the door he’s chained to, 3) kick, punch or otherwise resist his killer, since his leg wound doesn’t seem to bother him at all. A strong enough man might even be able to break the little doorknob and make a run for it. But no, he just sits there and does nothing, even while completely unguarded. I guess he’s not that great of a moat-swimming Hong Kong professional after all.

Also, if he has hand cuffs, shouldn’t he have the keys? The criminals took his handcuffs, but he should still be able to get the keys with his free hand. Nope, he decides to simply die instead. And although it doesn’t make sense to me, I think agent Stone explained it best, when he asked “How old is that agent inside there? 30? 35? He’s just a brainless kid.”

Rest in peace, brave agent. We will not forget you.

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